Peter Parker: -on meeting Loki, offers his hand- Hi, I’m Peter!
Loki: -shakes his hand- Loki of Asgard.
Peter: Aren’t you like…a bad guy?
Loki: It varies from moment to moment.
Peter: So like…on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst evil imaginable, like…killing puppies, and one being I’ll spit on your hotdog…where are you right now?
Loki: …maybe a three?
Peter: Cool. Lemme know if it gets above a six.
Loki: -thinking- I like him.
It had been a joke, a flippant line, but somehow, Loki found himself taking the youth up on it.
It was hard living around these heroic Avengers, hard trying to stay close to Thor. And when he felt his need for mischief rise too high, when he felt exasperation with these Midgardians turn too close to spite, he would casually say “Six.” to the young man, or sometimes “Seven.”
And Peter would spend the rest of his day with Loki. He would badger him with questions about magic, or drag him across his beloved city to see its entertainments, or take him along stopping petty crimes. He grounded Loki to the here and now, and distracted him from the churning, jagged shards of ice in his mind.
WE NEED LOKI AND PETER FICS
Yeah, the people who write the comics agree with you
imagine if someone really pissed Loki off and he turns to Peter and just “IT’s A TEN, CHILD”
deadpool: hello im pool deadpool and its a pleasure to meet you. im so excited to finally be a part of the avengers even if its at the expense of the collapse of the free market and the rapidly monopolizing state of disney
steve: uhh youre not an avenger but youre welcomed. im-
deadpool: i know who you are, mr torch. BIIIIG fan
steve: torch? no no im steve rogers captain america
deadpool: ohhhh were in the canon pretending that fantastic four never happened. gotch “captain” [winks]
steve: o… okay
deadpool: anyways i guess you want to tell me the rules now or something. the normal no killing people because justice is-
steve: no you can kill people
deadpool: excuse me?
steve: i mean. bad guys. you can kill bad guys.
deadpool: no lecture about not playing god? no due process??
steve: uh i mean use your better judgment its just that i mainly fight nazis so ya know. no need to keep them boys alive
peter parker, expressing his affection as any teen would: thor i would die for you 🙂
thor, gripping his shoulders with the intensity of ten thousand burning suns: i would never let that happen
peter parker, later that week: i would die for you loki
loki, looking him dead in the eye: you will.
drax: [really bad joke]
peter parker: mr. drax? I would die for you
drax, with a pause spent determining that peter is probably joking and then a hearty guffaw: but my muscles and fighting power is several times your own! your death would be meaningless!
peter parker, in the middle of battle with no regard for his own safety: i would die for you
t’challa, who has lived with shuri long enough to know exactly what answer peter is looking for: then perish
wanda maximoff: watched her parents die from a bomb created by stark industries
tony stark: watched his parents get brutally murdered by a man standing 10 feet away from him
wanda maximoff: is pardoned for wanting revenge against tony stark for what he did
tony stark: is a villain for wanting revenge against bucky for what he did
t’challa: watched his father die by a framed bucky barnes
tony stark: watched his mother die by bucky barnes
t’challa: gets to spend the entire film genuinely trying to kill bucky for revenge
tony stark: is a villain for BLATANTLY holding back in a fight due to his reaction to watching the most disturbing and fucked up thing in his life
bucky barnes: mentally manipulated into doing tasks against his will
tony stark: mentally manipulated into doing self-destructive tasks
bucky barnes: is [rightfully] pardoned for years of being a deadly assassin
tony stark: is a villain for creating something to protect earth that eventually backfired
natasha romanova and wanda maximoff: both willingly worked for the bad guys
tony stark: was unaware that his partner and friend had been selling his weapons to the bad guys
natasha romanova and wanda maximoff: get pardoned for the blood on their hands when they join shield/the avengers
tony stark: is a villain for the weapons that obadiah sold to the bad guys despite immediately getting upset about it and confronting him about it
steve rogers: throws an entire trailer at peter without knowing if he has super strength
tony stark: says that they need to hold wanda accountable for her mistakes
steve rogers: gets praised for saying she’s “just a kid” in defending her horrendous mistakes despite her age and the destruction she caused before
tony stark: is a villain for bringing peter to “web them up” and making peter leave the battle the moment he gets hurt
wanda maximoff: never has to own up to working for hydra, manipulating every member of the avengers, or triggering the hulk into destroying a civilian city under her control, joining alongside ultron until she does one good thing, essentially being the cause of all the death and destruction in aou, and eventually not being able to control her powers in lagos that she previously had total control over, which resulted in deaths upon deaths, and also gets to watch the hulk take all the burn and blame for the city she made him destroy
tony stark: literally is held accountable for every single action made by himself along with maximoff and every other avenger, tries his hardest to work alongside ross and 117 countries that all demand superhero registration through the accords as voted for in the UN, despite knowing how much a lot of his team would reject such idea
wanda maximoff: is just a 26 year old kid!
tony stark: is a villain for trying to find a middle ground between selfish team members who refused to be held accountable for being dangerous people and the 117 countries around the world that want them to be held accountable since they’re all powerful & dangerous people (a lot of which have bad histories, see: wanda) who shouldnt be allowed to just freely use their powers when they clearly pose to be a potential threat to the public
everyone else: gets to do shit
tony stark: is a villain for doing similar shit while also being the only one who fucking cares
I had a dream where Thanos was fighting Deadpool and he used The Snap™ but since it only killed a random 50% of the universe Deadpool survived by chance EVERY SINGLE TIME. He kept using it until they were the only two people left in the universe and eventually Thanos just gave up because there was a 50/50 chance he’d kill himself and Deadpool had already survived that long.
KayjsCage 
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