Tag: dc

jerseydevious:

zorekryk:

jerseydevious:

hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen, because i myself have the most radical batman theory the internet has ever seen. alfred secretly being the joker needs to step aside, and go back to that one neil gaiman comic, because lads, i’m about to rock your world.

so, first, i present to you, the connection:

the first being from alan moore’s “for the man who has everything,” and the second being from morrison’s batman run, of course. there are some things we can ascertain; bruce likes to give people flowers, and also likes grand gestures, and when the two meet, it turns into him giving people the most rare and grand flowers. you could, with the information provided, say that alfred was possibly the one who bred the krypton. but i have a different argument to make, lads. i say that bruce was the one to breed those flowers, and therefore, batman spends his days off puttering about a garden, and if that isn’t the most delightful thing you’ve ever imagined, you have no soul.

firstly, would alfred name a flower after himself? it’s true, bruce could’ve named the flower, as he likely named the krypton. but you forget, bruce is a serial liar, who wants to force the outside world to believe he has no hobbies and no feelings. frequently, we can’t trust his word. should we start trusting him now? i argue that we shouldn’t. “i paid a horticulturalist,” SO HE CLAIMED. “my butler breeds them,” SO HE CLAIMED. two is a pattern, my friends. the concept is here, unearthed. all of the pieces fit together. it’s time you accept the truth…… my truth.

do you think bruce wears an apron when he gardens to protect his expensive rich bitch pants

my dear @jerseydevious

in order to breed roses as exactly as that requires, you need yourself a goddamn botanical laboratory.  You need to keep all the specimens separate.  You need to chart each generation.  You need to study plant genetics.  You need photos and files and you need exact conditions to get the blooms sturdy.  You also need to do the regular rose stuff of balanced PH, keeping the right light amount and temperature, you need to keep all pests the goddamn away from all your plants while providing them nutrition–which contains organic compounds in it that all want to destroy your roses, and water (as well as feeding) the precise amounts (but not too much because roses are finicky shits.)

what I’m saying is this is exactly a Bruce Wayne hobby

this is the best thing you have ever told me in your entire life