feminismandhappiness:

flickerman:

i wish there wasn’t such a stigma around being proved wrong, bc it’s a part of life, no one can be right all the time. if we didn’t feel as much shame about it i think a lot of things would change a lot faster

we all need to practice saying “I hadn’t thought of it like that” “I hadn’t seen it that way before” “I must have misunderstood the first time I heard about it” “if I had known those facts I wouldn’t have thought like I did”

i 100% agree with this. i just think it’d be easier to admit you were wrong if other ppl wouldn’t be such smug fucking bastards abt being right.

a part of not wanting admit to being wrong is not wanting to give someone the satisfaction of being right when you know they’re going be Like That™

if they are. so in tandem with the first point, we should also try to teach ppl to not act superior for being right. it’s not a competition. raise/teach ppl to be graceful and humble abt being right.

thiccmom:

so since summer is finally FINALLY starting, i have one big thing i want to say:

Don’t push people in the pool, lake, or ocean!

There are many (fairly obvious) reasons you should never do this! I will list them

• they cannot swim!
• whether it’s because they don’t know how or because they physically aren’t able to, being thrown into a body of water when you’re not confident in your abilities can be terrifying
• they are wearing a device that cannot get wet!
• yes, it could be a phone, but it could also be an insulin pump or heart monitor or any other type of sensor that would be compromised when immersed in water and cost thousands of dollars to replce
• they are afraid of water!
• drowing is a very real, and fairly common, fear or phobia,taking away someone’s control by throwing them in the water can be very triggering
• they don’t want to be in the water!
• if someone doesn’t want to be in the pool/lake/ocean, they don’t have to have a reason for their boundaries and desires to be respected

I no longer go to pool parties because so many people (especially drunk college students) have a penchant for throwing/pushing people in the water without their consent, and I have had an $3k insulin pump DESTROYED because someone thought I was being ‘lame’ and ‘a party pooper’ because I wouldn’t get in the pool, and decided to shove me in instead

pool parties and lake parties and beach parties are tons of fun and everyone should be comfortable and able to enjoy themselves while they are there, regardless of ability or preference

littlestarlolo:

write-like-an-american:

laylainalaska:

One of the things that really gets to me about Tumblr fandom’s view of relationships is the idea (sometimes stated outright, often implied) that there’s some kind of clear dividing line between healthy and not-healthy, between abusive and not-abusive, that people never slide back and forth between those things or slip over the line, and that’s just … not how human relationships work. And it’s one thing when you’re holding fictional characters to an absurdly high standard, but it makes me worry that a lot of people are internalizing the idea that human relationships aren’t messy and complicated and sometimes painful, and that’s really going to make life hard for you. You’ll either end up beating yourself up way too much for doing utterly normal things, or beating up on other people for doing utterly normal things, and you’ll let a lot of things that could have been good slip through your fingers because they aren’t perfect.

Look, I’m not saying anybody should stay in a relationship that’s toxic for them, and ideally we should all be in happy supportive relationships with people who make us happy all the time, but human emotions are a mess.

You WILL do terrible, awful things. You’ll be selfish. You’ll hurt people. Sometimes they’ll forgive you and sometimes they won’t. Every long-term relationship you have will end up being littered with the memories of times you were both awful to each other.

You’ll fall in love with people who don’t love you, and be loved by people you don’t love. Sometimes you might try to make a relationship (or a friendship) work anyway. Sometimes it’ll even work out.

You’ll end up loving some people you never in a million years thought you’d feel that way about, because you got a terrible first impression and misjudged them. You’ll look back and think, How could I not have known how awesome they were? But you didn’t, then. And you’ll walk away from other people who could have been just as beloved and never know it.

A lot of times you won’t be able to tell how other people feel about you at all, and you’ll just have to keep going anyway.

You’ll break up friendships by doing stupid, selfish things.

You’ll put your trust in the wrong people, and the wrong places, and have it broken.

You’ll do some things thinking you’re the good guy at the time, and realize in retrospect that you weren’t.

You’ll change your mind about a lot of stuff. You’ll realize that some of the things you used to believe were kind of messed up. Sometimes you’ll change your mind because of people around you and then realize that you were right all along. Sometimes you’ll realize that nobody’s right or wrong, but have to make a decision anyway.

You’ll interfere where you shouldn’t and get your ass handed to you. You’ll fail to interfere where you should have, and feel guilty for the rest of your life.

(Not everyone will do all of these things. But it’s humanly impossible not to do at least some of them.)

And none of that makes you an awful person or undeserving of love or bad to be around?! It’s just how people are. It’s how EVERYONE is, even the ones who seem like they have it together. Life is messy and complicated and confusing, and it hurts. People can do awful things and be forgiven. In fact, if that weren’t true, none of us would have any relationships at all.

I don’t know, I’m just thinking about this today, because expecting perfection of fictional characters is one thing (they’re fictional, it doesn’t hurt them) but it’s going to mess you up in all kinds of ways if you think that’s actually how real life works.

yes. ❤

this is such a good post

one thing that never sat right with me about this website is that a disturbing number of users are under the impression that people cannot change. that what you did years ago defines who you are now and forever

guess what. are you the same person you were five years ago? I’m sure not. I had some shitty opinions and did some shitty things when I was younger. but I’ve changed since then and those problematic things are something I’ve worked to get rid of. I know there are people out there who don’t grow, but applying that mindset as a default to every single person ever is unhealthy. people grow and change and learn from their experiences, and forever judging them for what they did before and not what they’re doing now to rectify the before is not only exhausting but also an impossible standard to hold someone to.

for a website so passionate about character development and growth in fandom, a lot of you are sure quick to cast that aside when it comes to actual people.

gatobob:

Next time someone makes some jerkass assumption about you based on your skin or percieved gender or hair color or weight, here’s what you can do:

1. Audibly scoff, look at them like they’ve said something very stupid
2. Choose an aspect of human anatomy that varies between individuals. Be as obtuse as possible- bonus points for anything that comes in a binary but doesnt line up with gender. [EXAMPLES: large/small Pupillary distance, low/high carbon makeup, low/high shoulders, jaw depth, mid-digital hair, iron level, etc.]
3. Repeat after me: “Yeah, that would be what someone with ___________ would say.”
4. If they are confused, they may ask ‘what does that have to do with anything?’
5. To which you may ask the same.

kieren-fucking-walker:

disease-danger-darkness-silence:

icbiwf:

boydivisionss:

do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust 

your fave is problematic: yourself

Basically, yeah. That’s kind of the point – you always have to look back on yourself and be mortified and resolve to be better.

Shit, the stuff I said just five YEARS ago (and I’m almost 33) makes me cringe like a motherfucker.

Burn in mortification. Rise from the ashes and be better. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.

This is why purity culture doesn’t work!!! We’re all shit! We can all grow and do better!