While I am a sucker for those like moments where it’s the first time someone smiles at you and your heart just feels like its beating out of your chest because ‘holy shit’…
I don’t think it was like that. I think they were both young and caught up in other things, and the first time Gaara smiles at Lee, Lee doesn’t even notice. Gaara is fourteen and Lee is fifteen, and they’re friends with a bloody past and Gaara’s still learning what it means to have friends and what it means to smile because of fondness.
The second time Lee does see it, and it does surprise him. it does feel significant. They don’t see each other often and Gaara’s just come back from death and he’s smiling and he’s alive. They’re still young and the world is still rushing around them and it’s not going to stop because of a smile, but Lee feels warm because of it. His heart doesn’t beat erratically, he doesn’t have any earth shattering epiphanies about love. It’s just his friend smiling at him, alive and whole and happy.
The third time Gaara smiles at Lee it’s after the war and they’re both alive and thank the gods. They’re alive. The world hasn’t ended. Everything is going to be okay. And Gaara smiles at Lee and it’s a shot through the heart. Lee doesn’t remember what he’d dreamed up in the infinite tsukiyomi in the wake of that smile. the world finally stops, it tilts, it’s upside down. Lee can’t breathe and his heart is beating too fast in his chest because they’re alive, gaara’s alive, he didn’t die all over again. he’s alive and he’s smiling at Lee, the brightest smile Lee’s ever seen on his face, it’s like watching a supernova if only Lee knew anything about astronomy; it’s like watching planets implode and be reborn from their own ashes; it’s blinding and hypnotizing, and why hasn’t he ever noticed that gaara’s eyes are like jade? how has he never realised what love truly was?
after that, lee makes a mental note of every time gaara smiles at him or because of him. after that, he finds books on poetry searching for the best way to describe gaara’s smile and the way it makes him feel–he’s never felt like this before, never felt so electric, like flying without his feet leaving the ground. there are no words. he goes through dozens of books. he seeks out countless natural wonders.
nothing compares to gaara’s smile, no words can ever capture it.
lee doesn’t stop trying
gaara has a lot of reasons to smile, he does so often. lee never wants to miss a single one. he’s up to smile 260 now. he’s compared it to the sun, but that feels cliched and he throws out another poor attempt at poetry. gaara finds the forgotten piece while visiting lee he next day.
smile 261 comes just before their first kiss
lee starts counting gaara’s smiles from 0 after that: all the times gaara smiles because he loves lee
there’s always that jerk named kevin that shows up in cartoons
it’s a bitch name
anyone remember the kevin story
What is the Kevin story?
someone once made a legendary post on reddit, asking who is the dumbest person youve ever met. Kevin wasn’t special needs or anything, but he sure was one interesting character. the gist of it can be found in these bullet points:
“
It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn’t been wiped off
the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based
on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his
family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic
pinnacle of this null achievement….So here’s a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he’s laughing uncontrollably:”
Kevin
ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next
day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
Kevin’s
dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me…his English teacher.
This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give
to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school,
Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire….twice
Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn’t him.
Kevin
stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it
was ringing. (Not that it wasn’t his, not that he did it…..no, he
denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times
before the end of the year.
Kevin
called the basketball coach a “Motherfucking Bitch” during gym.
Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn’t go
well.
Kevin’s
mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several
meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went
to)
Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
Kevin
kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He
thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and
threw up.
Kevin said the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.
Kevin stole another student’s Iphone….and tried to sell it back to them.
Kevin
didn’t understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes,
homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first
semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
Kevin spit on a girl and said “You should get out of those wet clothes”. The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library…..at the circulation desk….while he was logged on.
Kevin
asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don’t go to
prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
Kevin
regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over,
grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name
on it wherever there was room.
Kevin
had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember
what they were. They were very concerned that “the holiday party” would have peanuts. When they finally
got a doctor’s note….he was allergic to amoxicillin
Kevin
and his parents took a trip to Nassau and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn’t believe
him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing
when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
Kevin’s grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.
Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.
“I can see you sweating from here.” “How long does it take you to roll out of bed every morning?” “Is there an earthquake or are you just getting up for more pretzels?”
Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.
I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.
About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.
I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”
She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.
She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.
Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.
“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”
I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.
He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.
*Tumblr pulled a dick move and deleted all the links for my previous masterpost so I think I’ll have to make a few new ones. Honestly, I think the list got too big* **I hope this one works**
KayjsCage 
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