raven-the-redhead:

courtney-p-22:

claw-animalae:

Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess I’ll kill myself.

Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30’s and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: There’s bleach under the sink–

Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steve’s art rants in the 30’s, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: –And a rope in the supply closet if you want options.

Rest of the Avengers: ?????!!!!!!!?????

Shuri, also a gen z kid: don’t be a coward, jump out the window. Have some style would you

Vision, the human internet who knows what Gen Z humor is: do a flip

fallintolife:

fallintolife:

fallintolife:

fallintolife:

fallintolife:

I feel like my roommates are probably aliens and I’m teaching them how humans eat with my grocery choices

when I first moved in the fridge had like… water in it. and some mustard. definitely people things but ???

and then I bought a bigass jar of peanut butter and two days later… another jar of peanut butter appears. same size, same brand. uh.

I buy a box of cereal. more cereal appears.

I buy lactaid. silk soymilk appears.

I bought a jar of freakin’ mayo and a different mayo of the same size appeared in the fridge.

one day these aliens are going to find out that I’m allergic to most common foods, and boy are they gonna be mad

“this isn’t how humans eat?? was ours broken????”

elizarumm:

one-time-i-dreamt:

A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.

that’s a goddamned power move

vampireapologist:

instantfrost:

vampireapologist:

The enjoyment I get from removing the wax packaging from a lil cheese wheel is immediately aligned with entertainment zoo animals get when they have to solve a puzzle or get into a box to find a treat. I’m just an ape and the babybel cheese people are my enrichment team

I think about this post a lot. I talk about it a lot. It’s to the point where, at work when we don’t like someone, we go, “that person is NOT on my enrichment team” because apparently the biggest insult, we think, is that that person is not successfully zooing us.

this is incredible thank you for telling me

Superman

crazy-pages:

firebirdeternal:

crazy-pages:

I just realized that Clark Kent probably works at the Daily Planet because it means he and his super-senses are planted right in the middle of a bunch of investigative journalists all day long. He probably knows more about Metropolis’ corruption and abuses of power than anyone else in the world, just by virtue of existing in the Daily Planet’s vicinity. 

I imagine also that he works there for the reverse reason.
Think about all the things he knows about the people in positions of power in the city that Really Should be made known to the public, but he can’t figure out a way to legitimately excuse having that knowledge?
Well, all he has to do is drop a hint of a thread in the lap of someone like Lois Lane and his coworkers and friends will be on it like bloodhounds, with a firm air of legitimacy that he himself would never, ever have. Because honestly? Clark Kent probably knows that “I heard about it with my magic alien hearing” isn’t and SHOULDN’T be admissible in a court of law or public opinion. But aiming some good old fashioned investigative journalists in the most competitive news organisation in the city at it? Perfectly legitimate.

Villain: “Hah! What are you going to do, punch me for tax evasion? Lock me up for conspiracy? With what court-admissible evidence? Admit it Superman, there’s nothing you can do here.”

Superman: “Guess not.” 

Later, Clark Kent at the Daily Planet watching his colleagues work: “My god, they’re like bureaucratic piranhas. They went through his entire IRS filings for the last eight quarters in thirty minutes flat.”